Cooking, I know I have said it before, but if Shela was cooking, EVERYONE showed up. She was an awesome cook. And when you were crying, laughing, in pain, down and out or just depressed, she would whip up your favorite dish and bring it over with homemade bread.
Now, no one is here to bring me homemade bread and Half-bake. She won't be calling me from some random store to tell me she found something I might like. I have her bread pan. Her damn bread pan. And I cannot decide if I should keep it for posterity, or return it. I know it is just a bread pan, but it a symbol of my confusion. Jessa finally hid the darn thing from me because every time I saw it I burst into tears.
She made me a wall hanging out of Quilling. It has a friends quote on it and it is hung prominently in our living room. She MADE it. Do you have any idea how long it takes to quill?? It takes forever, And she made it for me.
But mostly, what do her husband and kids and parents and sister do now??? She hung the stars and moon for them. I keep flashing to Kirby, my dear Lord. He will never hold the love of his life again without remembering that he touched her and she was gone. He found her. How can he ever get over this? I mean, I know he will. He will start by reminding himself to breathe and putting one foot in front of the other...but how DO you go about doing this? Really?
The siblings together, Nathan and Sissy.
I am sorry if this is selfish. I am sorry if this is disjointed or off the wall. I just had to get this out there. I am so lost and devastated. How do I keep it together for Kirby, the kids and the family? I do not expect answers, but prayers for this family would be awesome. Thank you for bearing with my depression. My world has been rocked off its axis. And the world of so many others has too!